I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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