I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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