so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
