I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I want is dick and wine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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