While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
