I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
