Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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