we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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