people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
