1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
