Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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