i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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