u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
