I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
