Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
