Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
