listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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