she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
