Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
