We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
