I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
