8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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