Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
