They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
