I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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