i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
