Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
