Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
