Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
