i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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