i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
