For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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