I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
