epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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