I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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