she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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