Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
