1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
