I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
