He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
