yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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