It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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