We won't sleep together?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
