Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
