so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
