.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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