oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize