I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
