tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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