I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
