Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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