Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
