Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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