Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize