I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
