A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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