I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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