He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
