How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wish my penis had a tongue
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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