hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
