so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Never underestimate the power of titties
I party with great urgency now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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