too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who died my cat blue again?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
