I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
