Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
