We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
