I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did I show you my penis last night?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
