I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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