Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
