so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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