Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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