We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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