Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
