i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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