Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
