i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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