It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
