i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
