after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
