if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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