i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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