The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
