I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
