Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
